I've got a lot of stuff in my head. It probably comes from reading a lot of books, but I do feel somewhat wiser than the rest of my peers. It's not true, I know, since this information is offered to everyone, and I'm obviously not the only one who reads a lot of books, otherwise there wouldn't be a lot of books. But each book, I feel, gives me more and more knowledge. I'll explain that later. First I want to talk about one of my own peculiarities, and why i have it.
I get this quite a lot. I'll be reading a book and some friendly soul will stop to ask me if it's any good, if it's suspenseful, or if I know the ending, and I always stop. Blink. Look at them and say something along the lines of, "oh, yes. It's very good. There's a nice twist at the end, too."
This nameless person will do a double take and look at what I'm reading. "But... You're only at the beginning." This person will say, confused. Then I shall laugh lightly, for their ignorance is not their fault, and say...
"Well, I know the ending because I've already read this book. Many times I've read it, in fact." Then this person will nod, pretending to understand and relate it to the time they themselves reread a good book.
I do not reread only good books. I reread everything I can get my hands on. This is because, I was made to be a writer, and it's what we do. (As far as I know, anyway, I've never really met another writer outside of school).
Consider this. If you happen to have a thirst to read books again and again, like me, because you like the dialogue, the scenes and you want it to stick to you permanently? Then you might have been a writer in a past life... Or something.
My point being.... Don't freak out if someone tells you they've read a book a dozen times. It doesn't make them nerdy, it just means they are more artist and brilliant then you are and you should worship at their feet. (hehe, just kidding. You don't have to worship at my feet... I mean, I'm not saying you can't...)
Well, that section of the post wasn't really that much about time or knowledge, so let's get on the subject. Starting with... dun duh dun duhhhh......
KNOWLEDGE!!!
Knowledge is all powerful and as grow more knowledgable, the more you realize how much more their is to learn.... Blah, blah, blah... You've all heard this a million times, blah....
I'm not saying it's not true. I'm just saying that if you're old enough to read, you've probably heard those phrases a hundred times.
Knowledge sucks like that.
Sometimes I despise knowing things, characters, places, cause you know you'll never get to them...
Enough depressing... let's move onto....
TIME!!!
Now, this is what I originally intended to write about, mostly because I surprised myself today. I was sitting in math class, and I started writing on my notebook. I wrote 70. Because that's the average lifespan of a female, I think... Anyway, I subtracted 13 out of 70 and got 57. (I do hope I got that number right, if I didn't, I'll be so embarrassed...)
I have about 57 years left to live.
Dear god, time moves fast, doesn't it? I've already started living my life, and to be honest... I feel so bad. I mean, sometimes you hear these stories about "All the wild and crazy things I did when I was a child..." and I've done nothing like any of that.
Nothing.
It makes me incredibly sad, how quickly we are losing that youthful freedom. I was barely in second grade before I felt bombarded with pressure. I know how necessary school is and I appreciate it, honest, but children shouldn't be constantly reminded of the dangers of life. We're supposed to get in trouble when we're teens and children, so we can learn from them and make all new ones as adults.
Time scares some people I think. When we look at how much time we have left, it's scary. I can admit that. People like days when they feel like time has stopped. You know the feeling, don't you? That peaceful happiness where danger and disease is just so far away.
That's why I love Fall. It's in Fall that I have those moments the most. When I'm swinging on my wooden swing set, the sun to my back, hidden behind well-grown and well-loved oak trees, the sweet smell of apples, tall grass, and the musty smell of leaves distorting your head... I never cared so much about the colors of Fall as I do the smell and the harvest. But if you ask me to my face, I'll tell you I like the colors, because it's simpler, smaller and I sweet nonsense that people drone on and on about.
I love the grim and funny decorations that people set up, the spirit and mystery of Halloween. "Who's behind that mask?" Could be a serial killer or a enthusiastic Dad searching for his enthusiastic child. It's so much more beautiful than Christmas, because it's not a big worry, there's no mass or ceremony you have to go to. It's just a celebration to celebrate the things that go best unsaid, that most people would rather tuck away. I simply adore Halloween.
Those moments can seriously mess you up.
Here you are, excepting death, excepting the inevitable, and then a moment like that comes, takes you breath away, and for a few seconds... Just a few seconds.... You're allowed to believe that you can live like that forever. You can be happy, it doesn't matter if you leave your footsteps on the world, you can live in bliss...
And then you have to remember, all over again, that you can't live in bliss, you WILL die and it will be painful and there's no guarenting that you'll end up where your religion tells you to go. Buddhists could be right and you could be reincarnated as a worm because you're atheist.
To pull myself out of those moments, which is sometimes necessary, to sober and awaken you from that lovely dream, I have a few select quotes I use.
Some of you may not agree, some of you may not like the quotes that I use to keep my imagination and my ignorance away, but I'll tell you anyway, because it's the single thing that can tear you down when you're happy, and build you up when you're sad.
"It's not what you call me, but what I answer to." That one would be a good one to use if you were being bullied. Sometimes I wish I'd get bullied so I could use that one.
"From the moment we're born, the trigger is pulled. Some bullets just take longer to reach us than others." Morbid, yes. True, also yes.
"It's not true that life is one damn thing after another. Life is one damn thing over and over." I like that one because you can apply it to so many situations.
"Success brings you confidence. Confidence bleeds to arrogance, and arrogance is the thing that prompts me up when my limbs are too weak." That one I like, it's from my favorite author, Derek Landy, although I don't have the quote right in front of me, so I may not have gotten the words just right.
"Just keep breathing." Always useful.
There's a poem that I want to put up here that is both brutually honest and intelligent. The perfect combo. And a bunch of other quotes that I can't say off the top of my head. I'll find some more and put them on here.
Until then.
Avoid.... Moments.
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